Maricela Estrada publishes ‘Bipolar Girl: My Psychotic Self,’ a memoir about her struggles with accepting and surviving bipolar disorder. By Elizabeth Hsing-Huei Chou, EGP Staff Writer Things started to fall apart after high school. She was juggling two jobs and attending college when she experienced an intense, delusional episode in front of the Superior Warehouse store in Montebello. To those who watched, she seemed to be screaming about demons and the world coming to an end. Estrada was in a “sea of confusion” and thought she was going to die. Some bystanders thought she was “on drugs.” The police had to be called. When she came out of her delusional state, Estrada overheard the police say, “She’s a regular,” referring to previous episodes and visits to the county mental hospital. She heard her older brother respond, “Yeah, it’s a shame. She’s an honor’s student.” It was a humiliating experience. But even though Estrada had attempted suicide at fourteen and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder toward the end of high school, she hadn’t fully accepted that she had a disorder. It meant she had to give up her dreams. When the doctor first gave her the diagnosis, she thought, “There goes my life.” Estrada attributed some of her depression to events in her life: a close encounter with death during a drive-by shooting, stress about her family’s financial situation, and her brother’s own struggles with depression. She thought she would be fine going off her medication, which was causing her to gain weight. But the delusions and embarrassing public episodes continued, and on her 22nd birthday, Estrada finally said she needed to accept what was happening to her. Sticking to her medication and facing her disorder would be the only way for her to “move on,” she decided. Now 29, Estrada has not only picked up the pieces of her life, she’s devoted herself to reaching out to others who suffer from mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder. She works for the “Friendship Line,” a “warm” non-crisis phone line open during non-business hours that is affiliated with Mental Health America of Los Angeles. She has also developed a support network of individuals across the country through platforms like MySpace, Twitter and other online forums. In May she published “Bipolar Girl: My Psychotic Self,” a book of her experiences culled from journals kept over the last ten years. In her book’s prologue, Estrada says the symptoms of her illness, which is a combination of bipolar disorder and manic depression with psychotic features, includes changes in perception, feelings that suicide is the only escape, extremely happy emotional states that lead to impulsive and high risk behavior, and delusions. Estrada, a Rosemead resident who grew up in East Los Angeles and Montebello, hopes her account, which talks about her struggle to go from denial to acceptance of her illness, will help others avoid the mistakes she made. She also writes about how her family and friends reacted to her illnesses. She says her traditional Mexican-American family did not know what to do with her. “I was born here, but from my background… people pity people who lose their mind. They think they’re demonically possessed, or they become bums. Their families reject them. So it is very overwhelming for my family,” she says. At first her family did not realize there was anything wrong with her, and when they did, they took her to see the “witch doctor.” When they were frustrated with her constant crying and depressed state, they would yell at her to stop. In her book, Estrada tells her story through journal entries, internal monologues, poetry and artifacts from her experiences, such as the Montebello Police Department report about her delusional episode in front of Superior Warehouse, and a copy of her psychiatric evaluation from Penn Mar Therapeutic Center, a psychiatric hospital. Estrada was in and out of psychiatric hospitals, but she says those who suffer from mental illnesses need to seek medical help and attention. Hospitals are a safe place, she says. “Hospitals kind of restore your sanity,” she said, which is why many people with mental illnesses seek them out. Staying on medication is important because it helps her control her symptoms and function, but it is still a struggle, she says. “It doesn’t do miracles. I still have bad depression. And I still have suicidal ideation. I still get really manic and I get happy. I still have delusions,” she says. Estrada held a reading and signing event for the book at the Montebello Library on Aug. 27. As soon as she finished her presentation, several hands shot up. Many said they have family members who suffer from bipolar disorder. Montebello resident Valerie Muñoz, 34, came “on behalf” of her aunt, who suffered from bipolar disorder before committing suicide in 2003. There hasn’t been enough awareness of the disorder, Muñoz says. “I think a lot of people are unaware. They use the term crazy,” she said. “That’s why I get upset when I see homeless people who are mentally ill,” because a lot of them just need medical help, she says. Mental illness is still an uncomfortable subject for some. “It took a lot of courage for [Estrada] to write this book,” said Montebello resident Barbara Cano, 52. “I’m happy to see people are more aware of this. Instead of people being diagnosed as crazy, there is a scientific explanation,” she says. Estrada’s family and friends were also present at her book event. Among them was her manager from Hometown Buffet where she worked while going to school. John Sanchez was still wearing his work badge when he went to hear Estrada’s book reading last week. He said there were occasions when he and co-workers had to take her to the hospital. “She was always a great girl, but she just struggled with it,” he says about her struggle to accept her illness. He is amazed by how far Estrada has come. “She looks so polished up there,” he says. Sanchez says even then, Estrada would talk openly about what she was going through. “She never tried to hide it from us. She doesn’t hold it in, which was good,” he says. These days, mental illness sufferers have the benefit of the Internet, which has helped in raising awareness and developing community among people with bipolar disorder, Estrada says. “[Bipolar] is talked about more. It’s not weird as much as it used to be ten years ago when I got diagnosed. So people actually have [online names like] ‘Bipolar Chica’… or they have their names and they put ‘bipolar,’ they let everybody know…” she says. “If somebody posts ‘I’m feeling depressed, can’t get out, can’t snap out of it,’ I will go out of my way to go on their pages and send them a personal message,” she says. Estrada says there is hope for people with mental illnesses. “I just want to encourage people with mental illnesses to fight for their lives and not get caught in that cycle of depression… the beauty of it is that things do get better. You don’t get caught in that cycle forever. It just feels like it,” she says. The key is to stay involved. “So for me, it would be more like going out there and fighting for your life, and taking your medication, listening to your psychiatrist, seeing a therapist, having balance in your life, exercising, eating healthy, seeing your family and friends, socializing, going to wellness centers, going to groups, going to day programs. “There’s so much out there that I think you can really live a bountiful life. Your life isn’t over when you have a mental illness. There’s so much out there in the world. There’s so much you can accomplish and do,” she says. Copies of Estrada’s book Bipolar Girl: My Psychotic Self can be purchased online (http://www.eloquentbooks.com/BipolarGirl-MyPsychoticSelf.html). Copies are also available at the Montebello Library. Estrada says she can be reached at mestrada2006@yahoo.com and will personally answer all emails. The Friendship Line, run by the Project Return Peer Network and affiliated with Mental Health America of Los Angeles, connects callers to trained peer supporters who are available from 6pm-10pm on weekdays and from 2pm-10pm on weekends. The line can be reached at 888-448-9777. Peer supporters who answer the line offer “reassurance to callers who just want to talk.” Strategic Book Group http://www.EloquentBooks.com - http://www.StrategicBookMarketing.com http://www.StrategicBookGroup.com ABOUT STRATEGIC BOOK GROUP Strategic Book Group is a division of the Strategic Publishing Group, a rapidly growing publishing company that services new authors as well as helps existing authors expand their reach in the global marketplace. SBG is committed to new technology, offering traditionally printed formats as well as electronically delivered text, and has published over 2500 authors. SBG includes an innovative marketing division that is on the cutting edge of social media. 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Maricela Estrada thought she could hold it together. In high school, she was an “A” student, a member of the student council and prom queen. She was bound for success – even as she struggled inwardly with manic depression, or bipolar disorder.
“Never worry about your job,” he would tell her.
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Local Author Opens Up About Bipolar Disorder
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